Questions are the antidote to living in mediocrity.
Because the quality of the questions you ask yourself is directly related to the quality of your experience.
Regardless of where you come from or what you’ve been through, you always have the opportunity to be better today than you were yesterday. It’s about habitually doing things that help you understand yourself better.
For me, being better means asking myself deep and meaningful questions regularly. With a burning desire to know the answers.
That’s when it gets real—when you won't stop until you have your answer.
I pulled these nine questions from my book Chasm: A Deep Journey into Meaning and Wholeness, to help get you started.
Notice which ones spark friction inside you. Then, grab a journal (or open up an app) and write about them.
1. Who am I?
There are so many layers in that question to ponder. Are you the roles you undertake? The masks you wear? Are genetic, biochemical, or environmental forces shaping who you are? Maybe the lunar cycle you were born in? Can you change it, or is it set in stone?
The answer could be yes to all those and more.
So who are you? Dig deeper.
Try picking at least five words (maybe more) that describe your essence. Descriptive words that tap into you regardless of your life situation. Ones that depict who you really are and how you show up in the world.
Then take it a step further. Look up the definition of each word, and write that down. It’s a doorway to get to know yourself better.
2. What am I naturally good at?
When you understand your strengths, you can cultivate them. If I were interviewing you, how would you describe your strengths? If we were friends, what would that experience be like?
Once you've identified your strengths, write a short narrative for each. It's not just the word but the different parts of yourself that resonate with that word.
3. What do I believe?
What are your core beliefs? Do you believe we live in a world of abundance or scarcity? What's the purpose of your life? Do you think the world owes you something? Or are you here to contribute?
Take a little time to dig deeper on this one. Be patient and honest with yourself. It may not come easily and could surprise you. It surprised me. Reflect on how your life matches up with these beliefs.
4. What are my rules?
Knowledge is the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject. Application is the action of putting something into effect. An experience is an event or occurrence that leaves an impression. Rules are a set of principles governing conduct.
To truly live an authentic life, we must effectively execute the space between knowledge, application, and experience. Knowing something and consistently applying our knowledge is where the rubber meets the road. Because rules are the tool that govern our personal code of conduct. What rules do you run your life with? Once you're clear on your rules, ask yourself how you’re living them.
5. What are my stumbling blocks?
Simply put, our brains hold onto patterns and experiences from childhood, and that the old wiring never gets removed. It's ours to keep, forever. By building new habits, we can create a unique and often more dominant pathway in our brain. But our old, dysfunctional "path" remains hard-wired. It turns out that our brains are a lot like the internet. Once the picture we wish we never posted is out there, it's in the digital space for good.
Why is this important? Because we need to keep an eye out for those disempowering things lurking in the bushes waiting to sabotage our present moment. We need to be aware of them and get back on the highway when we find that we veered off onto the old disempowering side street again. Think about what regularly trips you up.
6. What do I want my life to be about?
I've both read and personally experienced that people close to death are often focused on their regrets— the life they didn't live. It’s always struck me as a tragic waste of the human journey. You don’t know when that final breath will come. So what are you waiting for? If you want to realize the fullness and depth of your journey, then you need to get clear about what you want your journey to be about.
7. Am I doing everything I can, with what I have, where I am right now?
It’s human nature to spend a great deal of time and energy on things we can't control and neglect the things that we can. And often we try to shift the focus to how others need to change to deflect what’s going on inside of ourselves. All that energy could be spent maximizing our resources exactly where we are.
8. How do I define integrity for myself?
I define integrity as doing the right thing because it's the right thing.
But what's the right thing for me? For you? At this moment.
Being in integrity is about being consistent with ourselves. Yet how well do you really know yourself? How often do you check in with your inner knowing? For years, the conceptual framework I operated under was a randomly acquired set of rules, beliefs, and understandings riddled with contradictions. And I unconsciously accepted them without questioning or examining them.
I habitually reverted to the tired old phrase, "That's just the way I am."
It was my way of saying, "I don't like how I'm behaving either, but I don't know what to do about it."
9. How will I be better at being me today than I was yesterday?
The key is to ask yourself what you need to thrive. Strive to live it and be that person. Know what you believe, and continue to develop it along your journey. Be conscious of your rules, and strive to live with the highest level of integrity possible.
Viktor Frankl said, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Shifting your mindset to do the work of being a better version of yourself today than you were yesterday could be the greatest gift you give yourself.
Do everything you can, with what you have, where you are!
If you journal on a few of these, I’d love to hear where you got to. Shoot an email to Bob@bobgoulet.com and let me know.